Pandora's box.

It seems that I have opened Pandora's box tonight with my husband. And I feel like I really have no one to talk to here in good ole Nebraska so this entire post is going to be a big rant. If you are not in the mood to hear someone complain about something they have no power to change, don't read.

I would consider myself a pretty open-minded person. In an argument I generally try to listen to both sides. Being on a completely separate planet with my husband, spiritually, is exhausting. I'm new to it all. So when the pastor says things like "You all know the tale of ____" my husband nods while I just stand there scratching my head. We don't all know. Some of us are new at this whole spiritual-relationship thing. There are some things that us 'newbies' don't understand and I am really tired of being treated like an idiot when I am confused or when things need to be repeated or explained to me. I feel like my husband looks at me like I am an alien. There are times when I try to tell him my views on something or argue my opinions and he treats me like they absolutely do not matter. All he wants to do is repeat the same thing over and over no matter how upset or confused I have become. And I understand that he has a position directly under the pastor of our church so he feels almost obligated to agree with everything that is said, but when it comes to my husband listening to me and trying to understand my side of things, excuse me if I seem a little pissed when I know he is just blowing me off.

They are starting a new Sunday school program at our church. Apparently they are separating the classes into beginners levels, advanced levels, and expert levels. According to Mr. P, everyone starts out in the beginners course and after 26 weeks, you get to advance. And so on and so forth. I can think of several problems with this right away. I fully admit that I am not a pastor and I have no idea how to run a church. I do, however, know the viewpoint of a new Christian and why doing Sunday school this way may scare the crap out of a lot of us/make us upset or uncomfortable.
1) Starting people out in the beginner class who obviously know more than a beginner would just seems cruel. People who have more experience or a better faith are going to know a lot more of the "correct" answers. This also would not rule out, in any way, saying lots of things that some of us don't understand. I see mass confusion in my future. And as someone who is used to being considered as pretty intelligent, I must say, it's getting very old to be viewed as stupid. Even by my husband.
2) How would this not result in more cliques and more people feeling unwelcome in the church? People are going to move up with people who they have already been in class with. How would someone else be able to worm their way into a set group? If you miss more than a few Sundays, you're behind? I am just so confused by this. People already like to hold their biblical knowledge above the heads of those of us who don't have as much; won't this just make those things worse?
3) Knowing I will have to be in a class with my bible-thumping, all-knowing husband makes me want to crap my pants. I am so extremely tired of feeling like his inferior when it comes to these things. And the fact that he, and hardly anyone else at this church for that matter, could care less about leaving people who aren't all-knowing in the dust just makes me feel sick to my stomach.



On top of all of this, I was dropped a bomb of news this afternoon. This bible study is over(Don't get me started on that). Around the middle of this bible study E and M(the media director and the bible study leader) announced that they were going to be Crazy Love for the next bible study. For once I got super excited because that is a book that I have read and the subject is so interesting to me that I thought "Awesome! Something I can actually stay focused on and not just trail off with.". Well today they had a sheet out for sign-ups for the next bible study and apparently they've changed it. It is now a study on prayer. Great. Another thing that I am not good at and have absolutely no clue about. I wrote my name down, but I think I'm going to text one of them tomorrow and have them remove me from the list. I'm so sick of feeling like an idiot or a leper because I'm new to my faith. As selfish as this post may sound, I just feel like I should be encouraged instead of feeling like there is something wrong with me because I wasn't raised in a church.